I now know what it means to be completely taken away and watch the outside happening. For one thing I always felt I was on the outside looking in, if you don’t run with the “majority” and their ideals in life then my friend you are on the outside. Which is not necessarily a bad thing at all – It teaches you how to look outside the box as your situation is completely symbolic of the meaning in itself.
I came back to the place that I call my “recovery” space last night. The 2 days previous were spent with many tears and pain, that I pray I will never see again in my life. Packing up my heart and soul (and dreams) in hopes of never feeling it broken time after time again. I am a wounded warrior who is healing this earth the righteous way. In everything I do I believe in myself that I am coming from a clean and loving place every time, it devastates me how people cannot see me for what I truly am and what I truly represent. I write on here every so often expressing what’s really truly inside of me – I hope you as the viewer know what I mean.
My dream will come to life soon – I’m never giving up hope on that. Its hard for me to accept the fire which sparked my return. I don’t think I ever will comprehend it – I can get over the physical pain but the emotional pain drawn from the physical, and the lack of understanding love and violence together is what may keep me further from the healing of my soul. I am not a perfect person and I will take responsibility for my words and actions and understand that these were used as ammunition that shot my heart in the end.
In life you lose your identity to various equations, maybe its a lover, maybe its a job, or maybe even substance. I lost my identity to a lover, and now that its lost, I am feeling lost now too. This feeling will soon subside, I trust in myself. I am way too knowledgeable to fall a victim to hurt when I understand the process – I know whats up, its just a matter of implementing the healing methods in place.
I feel like substance played a big factor in how I lost my love….Out of respect I will conceal the full details on how this played out. I would like to remind everyone reading this that alcohol does much more than you really understand or can comprehend, it messes with your psyche, your spirit and obviously your health. I don’t touch alcohol and don’t ever plan on doing so. People wake up, why do you need it? Okay so I understand some people enjoy the taste, but what I don’t get is the habitual need to go out and pollute yourself, and be irresponsible with it. Why does this make any sense whatsoever? How does completely polluting yourself equal out to fun? To me its so artificial and foolish. Think about how many lives have been lost, hearts been broken, and lives ruined…..
THINK ABOUT IT.