States of disbelief? A lesson about friendship

I am a dramatic personality, half the battle is being aware and admitting to a trait of yours. Okay I see it, and I get it. But I also ofen feel so much distance between myself and the world as a result. I always try to view humanity as one beating heart, where each person presented into your life acts as a mirror of yourself to some degree….

I have had a giant rock hurled at my heart this week and it made me relive the past torment I recieved as a young woman when I became the “new girl” in high school after moving cities. I have suffered great amounts of ridicule, blame, and judgement as we all have. My experiences in life have been as dramatic as I am…Do you see the connection?

I keep most people in my life at arms length as I am often in disbelief of peoples reactions and actions towards me.  They can be as dramatic as my personality, but it is dealing with the harsh reality that really shocks and amazes me. I must be a handful in life, and as a result I live nomadically as a gypsy to involve myself less with cementing into a circle of people who can potentially harm me one day. It disrupts my life as a healer to have rocks hurled at my heart. I don’t judge other people and I invite people into my life who I feel will not judge me, but when these people are your family – it hurts more than a physical wound. These are people you cannot dismiss from your life.

Most people are unattached to the understanding of loyalty and respect. If I hold someone close to me I provide them with a trust that I will not judge them. I do not focus on negative aspects of that person ever, because to me that could torment someone – so why would I bother!? It affects my greatly when I bring someone into my life and they would do that to me. because you see my wonderful viewer, when you focus on something – it expands. If you keep declaring that someone is “this” way or “that” way depending on how strong your feelings are toward your beliefs that is all you will see. You will not see anything else.

*Loyalty* some people of the modern world have little understanding about this solid principle. You do not call someone a friend if you are even willing for a second to think negatively about them. If the thought presents itself the respectful thing to do if you honor your friendship is to speak with that person directly and no one else before tainting the minds of someone else and harbouring a negative judgement about someone you consider a friend to you. That is really degrading to your friend. Keep your relationships direct and do not involve other people.

How did the world evolve into thinking making harsh judgements about loved ones is even acceptible? This devastates me completely. You do not judge your friends or family – there is no explanation. It should be a golden rule.

We put so much empahisis on many useless things in life but there should be more emphasis made on the relationships we have with others. There needs to be a level of honor and grace that is exercised between this. For me personally I am careful. I know a lot of people, wonderful people, fabulous, colourful, divine people – but I am careful to select who comes into my sparkly pure bubble with me. I give every one the benefit of the doubt and it shreds me to pieces when I am not given that same level of respect. In my past I have been hurt greatly (as we all have) from this devastation.

I am careful to chose because not many people know how to treat other people. I value myself and I would not invite someone into my life who does not value me as much as I value me. Tonight my sad reality is that I feel there is not too many people who will value respect and be as loyal to me as I require. I know one day this ideal may change as I heal my wound, and its unfortunate that we go through these thoughts when someone has hurt us.

There is a missing link as to why I allow myself to get completely devastated over these life situations. I think for the most part it is just a huge state of disbelief to me – as I would never even allow myself to think evil thoughts about someone close to me and act out on those judgements. Some people need a re-education in what a divine friendship is and how you treat other people. I carefully select friends….I only have my 2 hands for the amount of people I consider a divine friend, maybe one day it will decrease or increase. Who knows? What I do know is that at this stage in my life I am only taking in limited friendships due to the fact that people do not know how to treat one another, and I have too much energy expelled in healing others at the moment. I only take in what I can guarantee a truthful, trustworthy, benefit-of-the-doubt relationship and I’ve noticed that due to the states of disconnected, disenchanted, people we have out there I feel that I would recieve too much devastation if I engage in a friendship with these blind people.

I ask to please be healed and that people will wake up their minds and put more emphasis on the honest and real treatment of their friends.

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