Loving More Than One

By Meredith Blackburn

“Our fight is not with each other, our fight is with an outdated, Victorian sense of human sexuality that conflates desire with property rights, generates shame and confusion in place of understanding and empathy. It’s time we move beyond Mars and Venus, because the truth is that men are from Africa and women are from Africa.”

– Christopher Ryan

The idea of more than one lover at a time can make some people feel uncomfortable. Words like promiscuous and thoughts of cheating come to many peoples mind.  But this idea is not new, and according to the Authors of ‘Sex at Dawn’ The prehistoric origins of modern sexuality’ Christopher Ryan PHD and Cacilda Jethá MD; having many sexual partners is the ‘Standard Narrative’ of our sexual evolution. If you haven’t read the book “Sex at Dawn”, you can watch Dr. Christopher Ryan’s Ted Talk called, ‘Are we designed to be Sexual Omnivores?’ He speaks about the idea of sharing lovers and open relationships and how we might actually be built to be naturally promiscuous. He touches on many points, one being that anatomically modern humans have been around for about 200 000 years and out of those years, Agriculture has only been around for 10 000 years.

What does this have to do with our sexuality? According to him, before Agriculture, we lived in groups and we shared everything, food, family and even sex. So with the coming of Agriculture, and in resemblance of it, men have leased from women, sexuality in exchange for fidelity, which has, in return, created oppositional relationships or ‘the war between sexes’. Whether you want to believe that correlation or not, It is still a compelling argument to consider the way our ancestors once lived and the way many people and groups still live. A life of Egalitarianism, to me, and to many others, is like a big, deep breath of fresh air, especially in a world of greed, war, jealousy and possessions.

To share a lover or partner is more than being promiscuous, it is courageous and loving and does not have to be classified as Taboo. The notion of shared sexual openness within modern groups and relationships is right under our noses, and many believe is crucial in expanding and evolving our complex social systems and networks, while also strengthening bonds and trust from within. Polyamorous relationships (the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved) may be the answer to many people’s instincts of wanting to be with more than one partner. To those who do feel uncomfortable, that is okay, and to those who are interested or inspired, that is equally okay! This is the beauty of having the choice to live your life as you please, to live authentically and to be true to yourself!

Think about it….


La MerMeredith Blackburn is a writer, photographer and explorer of all things. Her weaknesses are men with tattoos, animals, cute kids and anything with the words “Hot” or “Sauce” in it. Her writing, photography and editing are three out of four things that can keep her up all night… The fourth is coffee. What, did you think it was sex? Okay, maybe sex too. She loves to laugh and believes life is too short to take anything seriously; hence, this wonderful bio. She is a woman with the lust to wander and whole heartedly believes, all good things are wild and free. Her favourite Disney Princess is Pocahontas and she has an insatiable desire for anything ocean or surf related. Meredith writes about life, love and philosophies at length.

You can follow her journey at doveocean.tumblr.com or check out her collection of surf and ocean photographers on the Facebook page, Dove Ocean.

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